A: All Night Lotus Party by Volcano Suns; “Razors In The Night” by Blitz; Brody Dalle’s Diploid Love (which actually came out this year); Prince’s Black Album; the s/t debut from Orient Express; “River Rock” by Froggy Landers; Anti Everything by Surf Nazis Must Die; Destroyed by Sloppy Seconds; Iron Prostate’s Loud, Fast, & Rapidly Aging.
Don’t ask me how I made it to 35 without hearing some of this stuff prior. I can only blame ex-girlfriends who ate up valuable listening time with ska or Our Lady Peace.
Orlando Weekly let me go last week. They said it was a budget thing, but to be honest with you I think they were sick of me pitching Delta Burke stories every day. Hey, it’s not my fault the world’s most beautiful and talented actress hails from this corner of the universe. It’s like Plato said: you can either get on the Delta Burke train or you can get flattened by it.
Stay tuned for the soft launch of my new periodical, Burke Beat, where you’ll finally learn “the real deal” about Delta’s experiences overseas filming Where The Hell’s That Gold?
- General Tso’s serving large enough to stun Dikembe Mutombo
- equally large fried rice hill of the pork variety
- cup of froyo dusted w/ so much graham cracker I now have Wonka Lung
- several “gluten-free” cream sodas (like that makes a difference)
- three tiny pieces of broccoli
- two coffees
- two pieces of toast w/ Nutella just before bed
Needless to say, I do not feel like participating in a Tough Mudder today. This is where I make a defensive joke about how my shitty eating reflects the true values of America. Blah blah blah it’s my constitutional right [fart noise] Jefferson died so I could be an angry marshmallow man are you gonna finish that spiral ham?
The following transcript is real. It is a real conversation that happened.
ME: Do you like any silent movies?
JB: [horrified] What did you just ask me?
ME: [enunciating] DO YOU LIKE ANY SILENT MOVIES.
JB: Oh, I thought you asked if I liked any salad movies.
ME: What would a salad movie be?
JB: I don’t know, something perverted.
Every band has a great name. I dig the venue’s name too, but apparently it’s just somebody’s house. This is an upcoming show in Tallahassee. Will you be able to say you were there?
- this past weekend marked my first excursion to Athens, Georgia, home of R.E.M. and the B-52s and Jeff Daniels for the first six weeks of his life; it’s not the type of town I expected to have multiple Zaxby’s, but in fact they do (Zaxby’s was actually founded in nearby Statesboro, which helps to explain the proliferation)
- Athens is also not the type of town I expected to lack gazebos, and as you can see from the photo above at least one was very easy to find in the four-to-six block radius I traversed
- I visited the homeland of Stipe for a wedding; ’twas a lovely affair on all counts (yes, they played some R.E.M. during the reception per some local statute I’m sure)
- the day after the wedding a couple friends and I attempted to visit the grave of B-52s guitarist Ricky Wilson, but the Oconee Hill Cemetery office was closed and there were no maps tucked away by the door so we didn’t find jack; this is just further evidence all graveyards should be alphabetized or arranged by birth/death year
- the Last Resort serves up a pretty good cup of joe, and I hear the black bean soup is awesome
- in general Athens offers pretty hilly terrain, so keep that in mind when you look at a map and decide, “Oh, the Dunkin’ Donuts isn’t too far away from this hotel, I’ll just walk there for a treat in long pants and what feels like a thin sweatshirt in this eighty degree weather”
- the guy at Weaver D’s really does say “automatic!” all the time
Spotted in the claw machine of my local Steak n’ Shake: an officially licensed Apollo Creed plushie (seriously, the tag had a United Artists logo). Too bad he looks more like Michael Winslow. Man, if Michael Winslow had played Apollo Creed Rocky would have been one short-ass movie.
In a related story, yes, I know my phone is prehistoric.