Crazy-Ass Dream: Trapped In Vietnam

In this nightmarish, uh, nightmare, I guess, I was on some kind of adult field trip to Vietnam. In the middle of our remote farmland tour, some hardcore Commies showed up (the kind that you occasionally hear about coming out of the jungle under the impression the war is still going on) and started pointing guns at us. I got separated from the group and taken to a small shack where I was forced to empty my pockets. Most of what I had were old baked goods. Bear claws, bagels, turnovers…who knew I could fit so many bread-based edibles in my pants?

I was pretty sure I was going to die. Then, time inexplicably shifted forward and I was alone on a soggy rice patty. This was even more frightening than seeing the guys with the guns. Suddenly, Margaret Thatcher (or a woman who looked exactly like Margaret Thatcher) appeared in a clearing. She advised me the nearby train tracks would lead me to the city, where everyone knew the damn war is over.

I dutifully followed the train tracks and indeed found the unnamed Vietnam city. It looked a lot like Key West. I hopped on a passing trolley and prayed it would take me to an airport.

Around this time I woke up, relieved that I was no longer trapped in Vietnam.

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