The Chinese Democracy Leak: Doubletalkin’jive

Guns n’ Roses has issued a statement regarding Kevin Cogill, the blogger who was arrested last week for posting nine songs on his blog Antiquiet in June that were allegedly from the band’s forthcoming album, Chinese Democracy (an album that’s been forthcoming since before I had pubic hair):

Though we don’t support this guy’s actions at that level, our interest is in the original source. We can’t comment publicly at this time as the investigation is ongoing.”

You can’t comment publicly at this time? O RLY? Well, guess what, Axl – go back and read your first sentence. “Though we don’t support this guy’s actions at that level, our interest is in the original source.” That, my cornrowed friend, is a comment. Made publicly. By you.

FAIL.

No wonder it took you thirteen years to complete nine songs.

Axl Rose and the employees of Axl Rose Industries, INC aren’t the only Gunners yakking about this issue. Former GNR guitarist/walking top hat museum Slash told somebody the other day that he hopes Cogill “rots in jail.” Ouch. Sounds like someone is still bitter over his exclusion from Dr Pepper’s charitable offer. Hey Slash baby, don’t even worry about it! Have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

When reached for comment, one-time Guns drummer Matt Sorum said, “Where the hell’s my bandana?”

Kevin Cogill is currently seeking donations for his legal defense fund. I kind of want this whole mess to go to trial just on the off chance someone calls Buckethead as a surprise witness. Will the mysterious guitarist be allowed to testify in his full Buckethead regalia, or will Uncle Sam force him to revert to human alter ego Brian Carroll? Will they build a special chicken coop for him in the court room? On the absurdity scale, Buckethead + U.S. Justice System = nine zillion.

On the other hand, Eddie Trunk didn’t get arrested when he played those Chinese Democracy demos Mike Piazza brought to his show in 2000-whenever. Be fair, F.B.I. Go raid Shea Stadium before you throw this Cogill cat in the slammer. Who knows, maybe Billy Wagner has a few copies of The Lilywhite Sessions stashed in his locker. It can’t hurt to look!

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