Put This In Your Pipe And Smoke It, Misfits Fans

The rock never stops here in JG2Land. Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein, the six foot pile of muscles who currently pounds his bat-shaped guitar for similarly-named horror punk outfit Gorgeous Frankenstein, dropped a bombshell in the Cleveland Free Times yesterday—apparently his former band the Misfits came this close to reuniting with fussy founder Glenn Danzig in 2002. ZOMFG! Unfortunately, Doyle’s brother and longtime Misfits bass player Jerry Only screwed the undead pooch on the whole deal. Read:

“We were actually going to do a Misfits reunion with Glenn,” says Doyle. “But Jerry put a fuckin’ monkey wrench in it. [In] 2002, we had meetings … And [Jerry] kind of fucked it up, him and his manager. We were going to do a record, do a tour and everything. So let all the Misfits fans put that in their pipe and smoke it.”

The full article doesn’t elaborate any further, but independent research conducted by yours truly uncovered the rumor that Jerry pushed too hard for the inclusion of original Misfits drummer Robo in this proposed reunion. Glenn, who I’m pretty sure fired Robo from the Misfits in 1983 (precipitating the band’s initial breakup), was apparently not about that. Danzig was only willing to participate, my source* tells me, if the drummer from his long-running eponymous band, Joey Castillo, was behind the kit. Including Castillo, of course, would be totally wrong. Joey’s from California, and federal law dictates every single person who plays in the Misfits has to be from a working class suburb in New Jersey.

Would I pay money to see a Misfits reunion featuring Glenn Danzig? Ten years ago, absolutely, without question. I wouldn’t care if Bozo the Clown was drumming and they were doing an exclusive tour of McDonald’s Playlands. Today? Oooh, I’m not so sure. Glenn would have to promise to actually sing the songs instead of just barking and howling the lyrics like a horny, dying wolf. He’d also have to give me a no lycra guarantee. If I could get those two on lockdown, I’d certainly clear my schedule to make sure I could go if I felt like it that night.

In a related story, I recently read an interview in which Michale Graves, the singer who replaced Glenn Danzig in the Misfits, stated he’d gladly make another forty albums with the band if they could get together and work out their problems (man, those guys are some tumultuous motherfuckers!). Can you imagine if the Misfits reunited with Michale Graves and made forty more albums? Just think about that for a second. Forty Misfits albums with Michale Graves. How far do you think they’d get before they’d have to start writing songs that aren’t about or named after horror movies? Can you imagine a Misfits song about Caddyshack or The Gods Must Be Crazy? That would be the definition of LOL.

* = the filthy hobo who practices karate moves all day outside Bagel World.

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