Bizarre Soft Drinks I Have Recently Encountered: Final Fantasy Potion

Cosmos, the Goddess of HarmonyWHAT IT IS: A beverage promoting the most recent Final Fantasy video game, Dissidia.

WHERE IT WAS DISCOVERED: Japan; a friend over there was kind enough to pick up a couple of cans before she got on the plane to America last week.

WHO MAKES IT: Suntory Ltd.

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Elaborate renderings of FF characters on each can. The two I received featured Goddess of Harmony Cosmos (pictured right) and the God of Discourse Chaos (below). The terrifying depiction of Chaos lead me to believe this Potion would taste like demon testicles.

chaos2

Jesus Christ. The opposite side of the can features a close-up of Chaos’s face. Just look at this nasty fucker. It’s like staring into your worst fears:

chaos

In total, there are sixteen different can designs; you can see them all here.

HOW IT TASTES: Like the role-playing bastard son of Fresca. Crisp, grapefruity, and/or pear-like (depending on the can).

NOTES: According to this article, Dissidia isn’t the first Final Fantasy game to boast a soft drink tie-in. This is shocking because I wasn’t aware people still played or cared about Final Fantasy in any part of the world. I thought it was a thing of the past, like CB radio or “Where’s the Beef?” Shows how much I know. Maybe it’s just (say it with me) big in Japan. At any rate, this potion isn’t something I’d bend over backwards to try and sneak into an elf’s dungeon or the next renaissance fair. In fact, I’m pretty sure the Cosmos can gave me a severe case of boneitis. Ouch. Thank God I wasn’t too busy being an Eighties guy to take care of it (POP CULTURE REFERENCE ALERT). Seriously, though, my bones hurt after drinking this stuff.

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