Crazy-Ass Dream: Jolly Rancher Ozzy

Ozzy Osbourne, as an April Fool’s joke, decided to announce a new flavor of Jolly Rancher entitled “Symptom of the Universe,” after the song he wrote of the same name with Black Sabbath. I’m not sure what set these specific “Symptom” candies apart from regular Jolly Ranchers, but Ozzy seemed to be endlessly delighted that he’d be pissing off his core fan base (in this dream, I was his personal assistant or golf buddy or some type of person who regularly hung out with Ozzy).

Sure enough, headbangers the world over were incensed when they learned Ozzy had sold his soul to Jolly Rancher. If I didn’t make it clear before, Ozzy was working in conjunction with the Jolly Rancher people to develop a new flavor based on his evil persona. It’s not like Ozzy just threw together his own version of the hard candy and put it out himself. He’s not that crazy. Anyway, thirteen year olds in black shirts were buggin’ out and burning Ozzy records on the news. The Prince of Darkness just laughed. Then I woke up.

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