Crazy-Ass Dream: Fake Founding Fathers

In one of the funnier dreams I’ve had lately, last night my friends and I were reenacting the signing of the Declaration of Independence. We weren’t doing it on a stage or in a park or anything like that; in fact, I’m fairly certain it was taking place in someone’s kitchen. Still, for some reason, we were trying to maintain an atmosphere of professionalism and dignity. I don’t remember which founding father I was playing, but my costume was very authentic and I made sure to speak in ye olde English.

So my friends and I were trading dialogue about the King of England and taxation without representation and all that bullshit when our pal Jim Rumpf suddenly blew into the room with the force of twelve hurricanes. Jim was dressed as Ben Franklin and seated in the most ridiculous-looking wicker wheelchair you can imagine. If this isn’t immediately hilarious to you, picture a guy who looks like a John Travolta stunt double (or just John Travolta) dressed as Ben Franklin and sitting in a giant garish wicker chair from your grandma’s house…only he’s attached wheels to it, and he’s riding it faster than Dale Earnhardt.

Anyway, Jim zoomed up to the table we were standing around at approximately 90 miles an hour, lost control of the chair, and tipped the thing over sideways. From this position (and with a look of steely passion and love for his country) Jim offered up some famous Ben Franklin block quote about life, liberty, and throwing tea into a harbor.

Naturally, we all started cracking up pretty bad and breaking character, which we didn’t want to do for some reason. Were we filming this shit for the History Channel? I have no idea. No damn idea.

Later in this same vision, I got into a fight with my dad about who the funniest member of our family is, which lead to the amazing quote, “My toenails are funnier than all you people.” Then I wandered the highway system in some major city with my friend Ben Ditzler.

Somewhere along the line, there was a large body of water.

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