The Bounty On Gumby’s Head Is $1,000

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Man enters San Diego convenience store on Labor Day in Gumby costume, announces it’s a robbery, drops a bunch of loose change all over the place while fumbling for the gun he claims he has, walks out moments later.

It makes sense. Gumby doesn’t even have a penis—why would he have pockets? Note to would-be robbers: when picking a disguise, go with a cartoon character who at least wears pants. Otherwise you’re gonna have to duck tape your piece to your stomach.

The funniest part of this story is the fact that the clerk being robbed had “never even heard of Gumby.” Actually, that might be the scariest part of this story. Gumby’s rather frightening if you don’t know who he is. Just a thin green smiling slab of evil, demanding your money while gazing at you with those giant lidless eyes.

Oh, also check out how the Gumby Bandit busts in to the scene of his failed crime in the video below. It’s a cross between a rapper’s “How You Like Me Now?” pose and the ring entrance of a mid-card WCW wrestler.

How do you like Gumby now?

Seriously though, cops are offering a $1k reward for information that leads to the arrest of Gumby. Didn’t think you’d be reading those words when you woke up this morning, did you?

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