Q: How’s Your Summer In Florida Been So Far?

A: I tell you no lies when I respond with a firm “good.” Reconnecting with the ‘burbs has replenished my soul. Have you seen this faux-egg stuff they sell in cartons out here now? You just pour a little in a pan, no shit, heat it up, and in like three minutes you’ve got a perfect lump of scrambled.

Meanwhile, all those jerks in Brooklyn are doing it the old fashioned way, like a bunch of jerks. Some of them think they’re beating the system by purchasing their own chickens, but now I know the real deal. Eggs in a carton. Fuck you, nature, I don’t need your tricks.

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