Unsolicited Bantha Poodoo RE: The Star Wars Episode VII Teaser

– they’ve finally discovered the best way to move a robot around the desert: glue it to a beach ball

– every single film made in this day and age must feature a sequence that takes place in the rear of a cargo plane; if you don’t like it, move to Siberia

– yo, that girl is driving a giant stick of deodorant

– yo, that lightsaber has a mustache

– YOU WANTED THE BEST YOU GOT THE BEST THE HOTTEST SPACESHIP IN THE GALAXY THE MILLENNIUM FALCON [guitar solo]

– can America accept a Millennium Falcon with a square satellite dish?

– no shot of C-3PO clasping hands w/ Chewbacca a la Predator?

– this entire movie might take place in one afternoon on the last day of school (excuse me, the last day of space school)

– overall these table scraps make Star Wars 7 look reasonably exciting; guess I should start working on the Bib Fortuna costume I will wear when I camp out for opening night

– on the other hand, if I find out Max Rebo isn’t in this I’m switching to Battlestar Galactica (the original, with Dirk Benedict)

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